You can’t afford a two-bedroom in San Jose, but a 15-room French castle? That’s within reach if you’re brave, broke, and a little deranged.

The only thing cheaper than a €1 home in Italy is the due diligence investors pretend they did before buying it.

Risk management is just PR until the tide goes out. Then it’s a margin call written in blood. You think your fund’s safe because your risk team built a pretty VAR model? Cute.

A pension CIO once told me their ‘impact mandate’ included buying a warehouse full of used IKEA furniture. That fund did 11% IRR — outperforming their urban office exposure by 300 bps.

$300K gets you 18 bedrooms, tax perks, and an existential renovation crisis. Or, y'know, a closet in Manhattan.